For the last few days I have been using couch medicine. I had a half sleeve of saltines, some ginger ale, two court tv shows and one daytime game show. I’m back soon.

I ended up watching some clips from ANTM and the “I’ve never yelled at a girl like this in my life” episode came up. In the Reality Checks ANTM episode Tyra mentions getting Tiffany “off camera mentorship and help”. So once Tiffany receives this mentorship and help she is invited back to the show, only to be eliminated again. We’ve all seen it so I won’t go into full detail about it and my observation is more about how some people say they want to see you “heal” , they want you “better”. These saviors and fixers want us to do better, just not that better. They genuinely believe they want to help, and they do, a little, sometimes. But more often than not these folks, and this is what I believe Tyra was on, they want you to still be needy and not whole. Tyra became angry , explosive with Tiffany because she wanted her better, but not that better.
Sometimes your growth can make others uncomfortable, sometimes your growth makes folks angry. Maybe angry and uncomfortable because they are afraid of losing you. Maybe angry and uncomfortable because they are afraid of losing you, cause they had use for you.

Tiffany’s composure made Tyra come unglued. And this is something that people who “heal”, grow, transform, come into more consciousness, become more incarnated in their lives often experience. Some folks want you to “heal” just enough to stop embarrassing or inconveniencing them.

As a shadow worker I’m always fascinated by the way people try to play inside each other’s darkness. Dropping batteries and code into the shadowy parts of one another, acting out bizarre scripts for others’ aims. And when we wake up when we turn and face those unseen parts of ourselves and see where others have taken up habitation they are angry at us for taking back self-possession of our own lives.

I’ve lived this. When I was moving through life reacting from unexamined places, people lined up to offer guidance, direction, a hand. And when I started getting my footing, when I started taking the space I needed to make big swings, when I began to quiet myself retreat and seek counsel within, when I began to wake up and reclaim my home. When I began writing a different story, conscious and picked up the pen for my life, one I was actually authoring some of those same people started acting like Tyra. My self-possession read to them as ingratitude. My groundedness felt like a betrayal.

Yea, folks be squatting in your shadows when you get home. Tiffany Richardson taught a masterclass on what a true transformation journey may ask of you.